Roynn no longer come back together as a pair

It has been a year or so now, since my last post in this blog.

Me and Roy, both left the relationship in year 2011. It was so much pain then, for both of us.

Eventually, we never came back as a pair anymore like how we used to and how the people around me hope for.

It was over.

Nothing can salvage that relationship anymore.

Roy made it official on the 12 Aug 2011 via text message.

And if you may ask, if I think about him? 
I do. Every minute of it.
I seldom post here anymore.
I was just too painful.
And so I decided to have my physical diary that from time to time I will jote down my feelings and thoughts.
Hoping when that day comes and eventually I cannot handle it anymore, I will just pass that diary of mine, to him.

If only he knew what I truly feel.

But I guess, he no longer have the same feelings as I do.

There is just so much I can do.

Why I eventually left and stop fighting for the love I have?

I don't know. I have no answers.

Perhaps one day ..

I will know why ..

My feet moved, my heart stays.

It has been a very painful journey for me and us.

It ended drastically.

To you, it wasnt my choice initially. I guess both of us have enough.

I've seen the worst in you. Although you may not even see this anymore, I just keep this as our memory sake.

Next week, Wednesday. Marks our fifth.

Somehow, it all ended way before that day.\

Thanks for making me hate you even more.

I promise to go as far as I can.

Far from you.

Yeah, you don't have to remember me anymore.

I never existed. You can tell the whole world what happened.

The truth lies between you and me.

I don't need anybody to know.

Yes, I wanted the break up because I felt neglected. Not only that, you tarnished my reputation as your girlfriend. All this while, I've been trying my very best to prove to people you're the good guy. I defeated. I admit. But I never regret.

Thanks for teaching me valuable lessons in my life.

Muhd Azroy,

Deep down, I still found you..

The guy whom I felt in love for his humble thoughts.

The guy who love recording my voice play over and over again.

The guy who is willing to share one plate of long john rice with me.

The guy who is willing to listen to me and hold me tight when I cry.

List goes on.

I still fall in love with the memories.

Its not easy.

Memories are memories.

I ll cherish them.

Thank you.

If you see me walking with someone else,
It's not because i want to..
It's because you weren't brave enough to walk by me.
If you see me smile,
It's not because i forgot you...
It's because i got tired of crying for you.
If you see me living again,
It's not because i've moved on...
It's because i hate the fact you can live without me
So if I fall in love with someone else,
It's not because i want to...
It's because you weren't there to catch me

May you be blessed with all the happiness with your new found love.

It is painful to say Goodbye to someone I don't want to let go.

Just because I let you go, doesn't mean I wanted to.

Love,

Rynn 

My double A.

Andy Andreyan.

A name that I never mention in my blog.

But I carved, close in my heart.

The choose name that I carefully put my heart and soul into it, before finalizing.

The name that i fell in love with.

The hidden meaning of my #AA.

Andy - Strong and manly.

Andreyan - Handsome.

How the name came about?

In my dream and when I woke up, there is just an instant strong connection with this name that I chose.

And who is this Andy Andreyan?

The love of my life. Perhaps, Roy's life.

For the love that me and Roy had for each other, I gave birth to a healthy and beautiful boy on 8 April 2008 at 2011pm. That significant date that I can never forget.

During my dating moments with Roy, I vaguely remember he would casually and randomly mentioned about how most of his friends having babies at the very young age. His words somehow became true and I got pregnant by accident.

That phase of our life, wasn't easy. 

It was hell bumpy.

Perhaps, someday.

I'd share.

PART I

First of all, I wanna reach out to my best friend, Nur Shidah.

Have a safe flight alright dear.

Study hard.

Come back soon!!

I guess by now, she's already at Netherlands.

Gosh!!! And she's going to PARIS for awhile.

Part of her journey.

AKU NAK WALLET LV please .. =)

One of the greatest friend I have.

My first day raya was okay.

I didn't buy any clothes or shoes for this festive.

I can't be bothered.

And so the rest of my siblings came to my house.

Me and my nephew, Haziq.

When I'm bored, this is what I do.

Ok, enough?

Hehe..

And this the rest of my nephew played the twister.

I hope it is still not to late for me to wish all my fellow Muslim friends,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI.

I would like to take this opportunity to seek forgiveness for all my wrongdoings, be it verbally or my actions which in any ways may hurt you.

God Bless You.

Insyallah.

Amiinn..

PART II

This is when my Raya Insomia Starts.

Mummy and Abah left for KL about 5pm.

Leaving me alone on the first night of Raya.

And the "greatest" thing, I have to work the very next day.

Enjoy my mentelness okay?

As for my Saturday, Mummy already given me some buckeroos to spend.

And I decided to go JB with love after work.

It's my PINK day by the way.

Wanna know why?

Stay tune.

First of all, I wore PINK.

And then ..

This is what I bought for myself and some other stuff.

Let me just highlight you with the pink stuffs I bought.

Umbrella - ubber cute ness or what. Mummy confirm wanna me to get her one too.

My miniatures fork, spoon and chopstick. Because at time I brought lunch to work and I need my own utensils and so I decided to buy this. RM15.90. Cheap.

And not forgetting my novel. Prince charming together with PINK bookmark. Hehs.

As you can see right above, that's my miniatures. Cute!!

And Love was kind enough to pamper me with this.

I think this is for my Raya gift. Ehk b?

Presenting, my BEBE perfume!!

And the most gorgeous thing about this is it comes together with charm.

Initially thought of getting the JUICY COUTURE.

By somehow, I'll get that next pay perhaps.

Love on the other hand also got something for himself.

The smells .. WOAH !! Sooo MEN ..

The sales person was kind enough to give me 2 CK perfumes miniatures.

And .....

Duffel Bag!!!

Thanks Dear.

Life is so annoying nowadays.

People irritate me.

Especially that particular someone.

Sumpah, aku menyampah~!!!

Dier lagi bole tanyer sape siak... Padehal diri dier!! Macam siak betol!!!

Boringgg -nyerrrrr ...

I know I tend to blog rubbish but I DO NOT CARE!!!!

Stress!!

Ader orang pon tak tao nak paham!!!

Dier ingat aku nie nak kejarkan sangat duit.

Padehal-padehal!!!

I need attention la DOL!!!

Her: Will you pick me up if I ever fell down?

Him: No.

Her: Would you wipe away the tears when I'm sad?

Him: Never.

Her: Will you still love me when I look my worst?

Him: Nope.

Her: [feeling hurt after hearing this] At least you're honest. [starts to walk away...]

Him: [grabs her back to face him] I wouldn't pick you up if you fell because I would catch you before you even hit the ground. I wouldn't wipe away your tears because I'll make sure there's nothing for you to ever be sad about. I wouldn't love you when you look your worst because that's impossible. You always look you're best, even when you think you don't. I love you more than anything, remember that.

If you see me walking with someone else,
It's not because i want to..
It's because you weren't brave enough to walk by me.
If you see me smile,
It's not because i forgot you...
It's because i got tired of crying for you.
If you see me living again,
It's not because i've moved on...
It's because i hate the fact you can live without me
So if I fall in love with someone else,
It's not because i want to...
It's because you weren't there to catch me.

-- What is love ? --

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within
your chest??
-it isn`t love, it`s like.



You can`t keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right??
-it isn`t love, it`s lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
- it isn`t love, it`s pride.

Do you want them because you know they`re there??
-it isn`t love, it`s loneliness.

Are you there because it`s what everyone wants??
-it isn`t love, it`s loyalty.



Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand??
-it isn`t love, it`s low confidence.



Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don`t want to hurt
them??
-it isn`t love, it`s pity.



Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat??
-it isn`t love, it`s infatuation.



Do you pardon their faults because you care about them??
-it isn`t love, it`s friendship.



Do you tell them every day that they are the only one you think of??
-it isn`t love, it`s a lie.



Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake??
-it isn`t love, it`s charity.



Does your heart ache and break when they`re sad??
-then it`s l o v e.



Do you cry for their pain, even when they`re strong??
-then it`s l o v e.



Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts??
-then it`s l o v e.



Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and
relation pulls you close and holds you there??
-then it`s l o v e.



Do you accept their faults because they`re a part of who they are??
-then it`s l o v e.



Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret??
-then it`s l o v e.



Would you give them your heart, your life, your death??

To my Boo Boo.

" when elmo isn`t ticklish, and pooh bear hates honey,

when tigger stops bouncing, and goofy isn`t funny.

when peter pan can`t fly, and simba never roars,

when alice in wonderland can`t fit through tiny little doors.

when dumbo`s ears are small,

and happily ever after isn`t true..

that`s when i`ll stop loving you . "

Time for me to update something here right?

I've been really working real hard for the previous week as I already start a new job.

Its been a month or so now.

The company send me for courses to upgrade our skills.

Hands on.

Once I reached home, I ll be totally shagged.

Break-fast, watch tv and sleep.

Never have a time to even blog, simply because I hate my laptop to load and there goes ,need my password to log on so on and so forth.

Yesterday, Saturday, it was a working Saturday for me.

But it was great though because I have great company and we're multi racial. LOL.

They made me crack the whole morning.Gossips and stuffs.

But the environment and situation isn't good for now as some mishaps happened at work about last week which I don't wish to disclose why.

On top of that, it was my best friend birthday.

Happy 21st darling!

Hope you had a blast with your boyfriend on your day.

Key to 21st. Key to success. Key to everything. *winks*

Besides that, in the evening, boyfriend, my mother and I decided to step Geylang.

We went out about 5pm.

Boyfriend came fetch us at home.

Sumpah aku menyampah!!!!!

Mum decided to pack something to eat afterwhich breakfast somewhere else.

So we went to the Geylang market 2nd level.

Mother bought nasi ayam at the NASI AYAM SAMBAL.

What pissed me off was that, it was already 6.50 when we ordered our food.

AND THE FUNNY THING, THE STALL OWNER ONLY PRIORITIZE THE CUSTOMER WHO'S GOING TO EAT THERE. FOR THOSE WHO WANNA PACK THE FOOD HAVE TO WAIT. MACAM SIAK! DENGAR-DENGAR MAK AKU TAK BUKE? TAK BOLE TGK JAM KE APE? PACK AND EATING THERE, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?????

Pity my mum, she just told them that she's eating there when all the tables were fully occupied. She did that to avoid the waiting.

Kesian siak mak aku makan berdiri.

As for me I bought nasi padang from HAJAH MUNA nasi padang stall.

What pissed me off was, they already packed my food nicely.

But I didnt break fast on time coz no place and furthermore mother didnt pack her food.

I asked one OLD LADY whether she can packed my mum's food so we can eat elsewhere.

ALL SHE DID WAS, NO I CANT DO SO BECAUSE THE FOOD WASNT FROM THEIR STALL.

EHK HELLO, WE CAN EVEN AFFORD TO PAY THE DAMN PLASTIC LA IF YOU WAN US TO PAY. KAU TAK KESIAN KE PE SIAK MAK AKU MAKAN BERIDIR. PANGKAH HABES SIAK MAKAN DEKAT SANE. SATU SATU ATTITUDE PROBLEM.

What's our solution? Mum just put her rice and chicken and the sambal in one red plastic.

Creative la jugak tapi still, kesian.

I decided to share my food with her. Ape cakap makan nasi dalam plastic??

After that time to hunt for curtains.

Mood aku pon da hilang. Habes carik langsir, i wanna go home already.

Boyfriend was so kind enough to carry my handbag, my shopping bag and mum's.

Ni tak bully la ok? Ni kasih sayang! =p

Lin: Saayang! One of these days I fetch you k? Then we can have a romantic buka session. Lepas buka can gossip kan? LOL! And thanks for your gift too! I loove the dress! Wee hee!

Wee !! Glad you love the dress. Hope it fits perfectly for you hunn.

Yeash! Can you fetch me next week on the 27th perhaps. We go breakfast at the Texas!!!

Yeah, plus gossip session which is a must. Not gossip la. Discussion. LOL..

Meet you soon darling!!

In every girls life, there will always be those three guys -

the one she loves,

the one she hates, and

the one she cant get enough of.

And in the end,they're all

the same guy...

tsk tsk.

And to you dear boyfriend,

When you say I'm beautiful I would always say "yeah right,"
but what im really saying is "do you really think so?"

When you say good job i would always say "thanks"
but what Im really saying is "I love that you notice."

When you say we'll be together forever I would always say "I hope so"
but what im really saying is "I hope forever never ends."

When you say I love you I would always say "hmm.. okay."
but what Im really saying is "never stop saying that."

When you say that I don't care I would always say "yes I do"
but what Im really saying is
"I care for you more than you'll ever know."

It can be kinda cliche.

But somehow, I wanna you to read and absorb.

Thank you!

=)

I just finished up using 1 box of tissue.

I'm sick.

Literally sick.

Bad flu.

Gosh.

And now I'm contemplating to go to work or not tomorrow.

I m like dragging my feet to work each day.

Endurance plays a big role. =( ..

Should I rest and take MC tomorrow?

If I still go to work, I m gonna be so sick and furthermore, my brain will be block and I can learnt anything new. Right ?

Yeah, I made my point there.

=)