Soon, year 2016 will come to an end.
Friday, September 2, 2016
As I close this chapter of my life.
Posted by Rynn at 3:20 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
Engaged+Wedd-ed+Departed
The title says it all.
I have come a very long way.
It has been quite sometime since I last update this blog.
I thought this site of mine was already taken down due to non-active blogging.
Somehow, I managed to retrieve this page of mine.
It all started or began in the early 2011.
Somehow, he did not turn up.
I exited from Roy's life right there and then. I just cannot handle that anymore.
TJ betrayed me.
Me and Roy started contacting again, relatively because of Andy.
Me and Roy started heated arguments again especially me.
Roy asked, if I'm still with TJ. I wanted to come clean and tell him the truth but somehow .. haisss..
We met and brought Andy to Pasir Ris to spend quality time.
I avoided that question as much as possible. Not because I don't want. I don't know why and the reason for that. I chose not to talk about it. I was avoiding because I knew, I wasn’t mean to leave. I knew, Roy was really upset and disappointed in me. Seeing him in that ordeal, was already tormenting for me. As much as I wanted to hug him and apologise to him, I couldn’t do it.
Mama and Baba (TJ's parent) came to light about TJ's mischief.
The problem with him, he will never sit down and talk things and clarify my doubts.
I just felt, for a second, he wanted to be with me partially because as a man, he felt that he won the battle against Roy.
Why I say this? Knowing his past relationship history, girls would actually stayed through with him for good few weeks odd. That was what this fella claimed.
(1) me being vulnerable
(2)boost his man'e ego for wining over someone’s girlfriend
(3) nobody can accept him for who he is.
Plus, TJ managed to make me feel like Roy dumped me, and nobody can accept me and my past with Roy, somehow. Urghhhh..
I wanted to resolve the issues on my own and possibly find my way out without the need to discuss further with both parents.
How far can I hide?
Panic mode activated!
Truth out!
I am just so freaking annoyed.
Right there and then, I wanted to call it off!
She insisted that she wanted me to be her daughter in law.
For that one month, I just could not get hold of him.
Allah heard my prayers.
Reluctantly, I proceed with the wedding.
But I gave TJ a piece of my mind, I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME ANYMORE.
DAMN, he have a lot of proving to do.
TJ agreed to MY terms and conditions.
TJ just blew all the chances and opportunities given to him.
His life line? He knew I have soft spot for his parents.
He took that to his advantages.
About a month before the wedding, my ex-boyfriend, Isqandar ( my 3 odd years relationship during high school) texted me.
Long story short, he got to know somehow I was going to get married.
We had a deep conversation. He asked how sure I am about marrying TJ.
He said he don't want me to regret and end up like him.
A week before the wedding, I met a close girlfriend of mine.
I remember saying "Babe, I don't know if this marriage can last."
On that very day of solemnization, truthfully I wasn't anticipating at all.
I didn't feel anything.
Many things screwed up which I shall not disclose here.
Perhaps, I was mentally and physically drained with all the things that have been happening.
I live each day by day hoping miracle do wonders and perhaps for me to be able to love TJ unconditionally.
Throughout my marriage life, I can say,most of the time that status were just on a piece of paper.
I know I am very much hurt.
TJ triggered my patience again.
There is a saying "The leopard can't change its spot."
Enough is enough.
Typically, we had a petty arguments.
He left the house and never came home.
I thought he needed time.
I went on with my daily routine going to work and go home.
I avoided my parents.
How much more can I take?
Allah is great.
Wife instinct kills.
One by one, I managed to get all the "evidence".
I shall skipped some parts that I shall not disclose.
Fast forward,
The witnesses was Mommy and his biological sister.
That happened at home.
Achik and Abah were there as well.
"AKU CERAIKAN KAU TALAK SATU."
Those phrases already strong enough to ruin a woman's wall.
I had no tears.
I made my way with dear Mom shortly after.
Rin nekad.
One thing for sure, I rather be alone.
Posted by Rynn at 5:20 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Roy, I try to say goodbye and I choke.
Roy,
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not here
I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
It is not always the tears that measure the pain.
Posted by Rynn at 1:00 AM 0 comments
Friday, October 26, 2012
Roynn no longer come back together as a pair
Me and Roy, both left the relationship in year 2011. It was so much pain then, for both of us.
It was over.
Nothing can salvage that relationship anymore.
Roy made it official on the 12 Aug 2011 via text message.
And if you may ask, if I think about him?
I do. Every minute of it.
I seldom post here anymore.
I was just too painful.
And so I decided to have my physical diary that from time to time I will jote down my feelings and thoughts.
Hoping when that day comes and eventually I cannot handle it anymore, I will just pass that diary of mine, to him.
If only he knew what I truly feel.
But I guess, he no longer have the same feelings as I do.
There is just so much I can do.
Why I eventually left and stop fighting for the love I have?
I don't know. I have no answers.
Perhaps one day ..
I will know why ..
Posted by Rynn at 11:30 PM 0 comments
Thursday, October 20, 2011
My feet moved, my heart stays.
It has been a very painful journey for me and us.
If you see me walking with someone else,
It's not because i want to..
It's because you weren't brave enough to walk by me.
If you see me smile,
It's not because i forgot you...
It's because i got tired of crying for you.
If you see me living again,
It's not because i've moved on...
It's because i hate the fact you can live without me
So if I fall in love with someone else,
It's not because i want to...
It's because you weren't there to catch me
It is painful to say Goodbye to someone I don't want to let go.
Just because I let you go, doesn't mean I wanted to.
Posted by Rynn at 8:52 PM 0 comments
Friday, April 8, 2011
My double A.
Posted by Rynn at 4:41 PM 0 comments
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Posted by Rynn at 2:08 PM 0 comments
Posted by Rynn at 1:05 PM 0 comments
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Life is so annoying nowadays.
Posted by Rynn at 5:45 PM 0 comments